In this short paperback, The Not So Loving Side of Gentle Parenting, Justin L. Miller seeks to expose the unbiblical foundations of ‘Gentle Parenting’ and point Christian couples back to the Bible as the only sufficient guide for family life.

‘Gentle Parenting’ is a popular parenting ideology that has been adopted by many couples today, including Christian ones. According to its proponents, it is “a means of parenting without shame, blame, or punishment… centered on partnership as both parents and children have a say in this collaborative style” (p.38). It rejects ‘traditional’ methods of reward and punishment to encourage good behaviour in a child as outdated and even abusive. Instead, it promotes an approach centred upon the child and their feelings and emotions, rather than the authority and responsibility of the parents.

In this little book, Miller helpfully examines the foundational principles behind ‘Gentle Parenting’ and why they are antithetical to the Scriptures’ teaching. By drawing on a range of Bible passages, he clearly demonstrates how such a parenting philosophy completely undermines God’s design and revealed will for the parent-child relationship. Fundamentally, it denies the God-given authority parents have over their children, as expressed in the fifth commandment (p.33).

Moreover, the assumption that children are inherently good and must be supported on their journey of ‘self-discovery’ is obviously not a biblical one. As Miller affirms: “Your child’s greatest issue is not lack of self-fulfilment and self-actualization. Their greatest issue is that they are a sinner, and sin is destructive to all those it inhabits” (p.54).

From the outset, the author is clear that he is writing to Christians who affirm that the Bible is “the Spirit of God inspired, inerrant, and sufficient Word of God” (p.50). For this reason, he does not engage with scientific, psychological, or academic arguments in his critique of ‘Gentle Parenting’. Rather, his sole purpose is to demonstrate that its principles do not accord with the Scriptures’ teaching and will ultimately harm the spiritual wellbeing of our children.

Most of the statements made in this little book will be very familiar to well-grounded Christians. Nevertheless, Miller offers a challenging reminder that the word of God is the only “sufficient guide” for parenting (p.87). His writing is readable, practical, pastoral, and saturated in the Scriptures. The appendix on family worship is also very instructive.

I’m sure that The Not So Loving Side of Gentle Parenting will be a help to many Christian parents, as they seek to walk in the light of God’s word and faithfully raise the children God has blessed them with. Indeed, in light of the many false philosophies that surround us, this book is a rousing call for all believers to confess and defend God’s design for marriage and the family.